Sixty-Nine: I Won’t Let You Pamper Me

The last vestige of twilight in the west was swallowed by the distant silhouette of the mountains, and with that instant, night descended.

Without the sun, the owner of the silver armor removed her helmet, revealing beneath that dazzling cascade of hair—bright as the Milky Way—a breathtaking beauty that shimmered in the moonlight.

“My Lady.”

After enduring countless hardships, Ming Tian could finally face his beloved without worry, and a wave of emotion brought a sting to his nose. Ah, so this is the bittersweet taste of love; no wonder so many people in the modern age enjoy flaunting their affection.

“Ming Tian.” Xiao Xinzhu smiled gently, flowers blooming in her expression, her presence refreshing as spring.

“At last, I see you again!” Remembering this moment, Ming Tian dismounted, hurried forward in three quick steps, and swept Xiao Xinzhu into a tight embrace.

At that moment, tenderness should have flowed between them…at least, that’s how it ought to have been…

“Aaahhh! My chest!!”

The surge of emotion made Ming Tian forget the wounds on his body. The two pointed chest plates of the armor jabbed directly into his nipples—still swollen from being bitten by ducks a few days ago!

Why are your breastplates so sharp! Even though you’re my future wife and I ought to give you some face…those brazen triangles of steel on your chest make you look like you’re wearing two metal cones! There’s nothing beautiful about it—it ruins your image!

And why, in ancient times, did women’s armor even have such pointed breastplates?! Who was the designer? Which idiot designed this ridiculous armor for my wife? Show yourself! I swear I’ll beat you so badly your own mother wouldn’t recognize you! I mean, I just said “your mother,” why would anyone censor that?!

Clutching his chest, Ming Tian felt such agony he thought he might burst on the spot.

The princess and An Luo, seeing how much pain Ming Tian was in, hurried forward to support him.

Letting go, Ming Tian looked down to find that his nipples—supposed to have improved by now—were swollen as large as cherries! Even through his clothes, the protrusion was visible for all to see!

In that instant, before the princess and An Luo, Ming Tian felt he lost not just his dignity, but his very humanity.

“Yin Chan, my kitchen knife is still in your pack, right?”

“Yes, why?”

“Give it to me! I’d rather cut these things off!”

“…”

Yin Chan showed no sign of handing over the knife, so Ming Tian turned to the next closest person, An Luo.

“An Luo, give me your swallow-blade!”

“Ming Tian, you can’t! How could you cut them off?!”

“Less talk, hand it over!!”

Tears streaming, Ming Tian lunged for the blade on An Luo’s back, and if the princess hadn’t intervened, he might well have succeeded.

These are even bigger than a woman’s! It’ll take at least a month for the swelling to go down, won’t it? I’m a man! How can I ever show my face again?!

“Ming… Ming Tian, I can’t give you the blade, but maybe I could use my family’s secret remedy for swelling.”

An Luo’s strength was truly inhuman; he grabbed both of Ming Tian’s arms, pinning his wrists with hands as big as clay pots, leaving him helpless.

Ming Tian paused, surprised. “What method?”

“Yes, what method is that, General An Luo? Please, help my husband,” Xiao Xinzhu pleaded, her eyes brimming with tears at Ming Tian’s suffering, guilt written all over her face for having hurt him.

Ah, the princess is so kind and caring—how I want to have a dozen children with her!

Xiao Xinzhu’s care seemed to ease Ming Tian’s agony—or at least, dull it a little.

But still…why did he have this ominous…or rather, unspeakable sense of foreboding? Without knowing why, he felt his…well, his rear clench involuntarily.

And sure enough, as he feared, a blush crept across An Luo’s face.

He lifted Ming Tian’s shirt, leaned in, and said, “My father always told me that saliva has the power to reduce swelling and stop bleeding. Let me help you.”

With that, he stuck out his tongue and leaned toward Ming Tian’s…chest.

Ming Tian was petrified.

“Get away from me, you—!”

There’s a story of a grandmother in a burning building who, in order to save her grandson, lifted a car with one hand—a phenomenon known as superhuman strength in crisis.

Faced with An Luo’s tongue, Ming Tian’s own crisis-fueled strength erupted—an instinct beyond mere survival.

He raised a foot and landed a kick squarely in An Luo’s face, sending his tongue flying up to his own nose!

With a muffled grunt, even An Luo, for all his strength, was sent flying by the blow, landing behind a horse’s rear.

The startled horse, munching on grass, neighed in alarm, and with a frightened jerk, unloaded its bowels right onto the back of An Luo’s head.

“Ugh…” Yin Chan, standing nearby, grimaced and drew her horse away a few steps.

“Ming… Ming Tian, impressive,” An Luo managed, still sprawled on the ground, giving a shaky thumbs-up in Ming Tian’s direction.

“My lady, it hurts so much!” Ming Tian whined, pretending to be a child to try to steal a bit of affection.

But there was nothing to be gained!

Especially not in the chest area. Those two steel cones were like a pair of lances; if he tried to rest his head there, he’d end up skewered like something out of a slapstick cartoon.

“All right now.”

Just then, something soft and warm brushed his lips.

It took Ming Tian a moment to realize that Xiao Xinzhu had kissed him.

Caught off guard, he was at a loss, and by the time he recovered, their lips had parted.

Her snow-white cheeks, tinged with a shy blush, were even more alluring. Xiao Xinzhu, her face crimson, didn’t dare look up. “Don’t misunderstand… You have done so much for me, my…my husband. As princess, this is no more than you deserve.”

She turned away, unable to meet his eyes.

Truly, the people of old were reserved, with strict notions of chastity—even among the Di people, things weren’t much different.

For her to take the initiative to kiss him, Xiao Xinzhu must have summoned all her courage.

Seeing her so bashful, Ming Tian felt his heart pounding as if it would leap from his throat; even his rib, fractured from a recent explosion, seemed to ache with every beat.

She’s just too adorable! Now’s the time for a man to take the lead.

For a moment, all pain was forgotten as Ming Tian spread his arms wide. “Come, future wife—let me hold you!”

Xiao Xinzhu had never heard such forthright words. She trembled, glancing at Ming Tian like a timid rabbit. After a moment’s hesitation, she lowered her head, a blissful smile on her lips, and nestled into his embrace. But then—

A sharp corner of her shoulder plate jabbed squarely into his cherry-sized nipple.

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Birds in the distant forest scattered in terror at the anguished, ear-splitting scream.